Velvet Leaves
by admin on Monday, October 31st, 2011 | Comments Off
Velvet Leaves
You're a Redneck If:?
1. Your dog rides in your truck more than your wife.
2. You wear specific hats to farm sales, livestock auctions, customer appreciation suppers, and vacations.
3. You have ever had to wash off in the backyard with a garden hose before your wife would let you in the house.
4. You've never thrown away a 5-gallon bucket.
5. You can remember the fertilizer rate, seed population, herbicide rate and yields on a farm you rented 10 years ago, but cannot recall your wife's birthday.
6. You have used a velvet leaf plant as toilet paper.
7. You have driven off the road while examining your neighbors crops.
8. You have borrowed gravel from the county road to fill potholes in your driveway.
9. You have buried a dog and cried like a baby.
10. You've used the same knife to make bull calves steers and peel apples.
YOU KNOW YOUR A REDNECK IF ;
You go to a farm auction for a truck instead of your cousin Billy-Bob's used car lot.
You shop for tires in the back of garage's scrap tire piles.
You collect used motor-oil from the back of garages because your truck uses oil more then gasoline.
Your coveralls still have your great, great grandpappy's name stitched in the back of them and he died and was supposedly buried 40 years ago in them.
You never seen a CD before but 8-track tapes are new to you.
A split level house is a home divided by your wife and you got the basement (which is unfinished of course) and she has the living quarters.
Your girlfriend recycles her monthly pad.
You use a work glove for a condom which in your opinion is good for 5 uses.
you realize that chickens got bigger breast then your wife has. (that's why you living in the basement).
Finely, any clothing bought new MUST be worn to church and shown off for the first year of possessing it.
Someone saw you kissing Auntie Lulu-May and now your the talk of the town and Uncle Jim-Bob wants to whup your a.s.s.!!
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